not your PSL halloween playlist
CW: Glee cast, reproductive health care, serial killers, Rihanna’s lack of new music, mental health, (one day I will write something that doesn’t include mental illness, but today is not that day).
Happy Spooktober, my friends! I am tremendously delighted that we have moved into my second most favorite time of year. Maybe it’s the ADD, or the fact that I was in college during the peak of Buzzfeed’s Quizzes (RIP), but to kick off this Spooktober celebration, I’m starting off with two of my favorite things: a Spotify Playlist created by yours truly, and a cute lil listicle.
I wish that Halloween music was treated the same way as Christmas Music- with its own channel and at least 6 weeks of constant radio play time. Of course there’s the classic hits like “Monster Mash”, “The Addams Family Theme”, and (a personal year round fav) “Love Potion №9”, but here are some more songs I’d like to add to the Halloween music discourse.
Abracadabra by the Steve Miller Band
I was recently asked via a dating app to describe my music taste and I responded with “the same as a 60 year old man’s mixed with your gay cousin’s”.
I feel the magic in your caress/ I feel magic when I touch your dress/ silk and satin, leather and lace/ black panties with an angel’s face
9 to 5 by Dolly Parton
At my family reunion this summer, I learned that when my great-grandma immigrated from Italy to America, she was so excited to be a part of the American dream, that she put July 4th as her new birthday on her paperwork. Truly could not be me.
5 to 9, you keep working, working, working/ working 5 to 9, ’til your dreams, come true/ working 5 to 9, you keep dreaming, dreaming, dreaming/ 5 to 9, 5 to 9, you can do it
Monster by Lady GaGa
As a young girl, I really thought that boys would come between me and my friends a lot more than it actually did.
I asked my girlfriend if she’d seen you ‘round before/ she mumbled something while we got down on the floor, baby/ “we might’ve fucked, not really sure, don’t quite recall/ but something tells me that I’ve seen him, yeah”/ that boy is a monster (mo-mo-mo-monster)
Dark Lady by Cher
Black cats, a fortune teller, New Orleans, candles, brew, AND Tarot cards?! Is this the quintessential Halloween song? I think if there had been an ouija board mentioned it would’ve been. Also, I’m pretty sure Cher is a vampire, as she only becomes more stunning and fabulous with age. I recently discovered that Cher is a May Taurus, which really explains the ending of this song.
She dealt two cards/ a queen and a three/ and mumbled some words that were so strange to me/ then she turned up a two-eyed jack, my eyes saw red but the card still stayed black/ she said, “The man you love is secretly true to someone else who is very close to you.
Disturbia by Rihanna
The incredible thing about Rihanna’s musical catalog is that even though she hasn’t released new music in over 5 years, all of her music still holds up. This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this song came out when I was fourteen.
It’s a thief in the night to come and grab you/ it can creep up inside you and consume you/ a disease of the mind, it can control you/ it’s too close for comfort, ohh
Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge
Remember when Lady Gaga was on American Horror Story and this song was in the first episode, and then was on every single playlist I made in 2015? Me either.
Either way he wanted her and this was bad/ he wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy/ now a little crush turned into a like/ and now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her/ I want to hold you close/ skin pressed against me tight
Dracula’s Wedding by Outkast ft. Kelis
As a person who is terrified of romantic love, this speaks deeply to me.
You’re all I’ve ever wanted/ but I’m terrified of you/ see my castle may be haunted/ but I’m terrified of you/ I cast my spell on millions/ but I’m terrified of you
You Don’t Own Me cover by Deep Sea Diver, Natalie Schepman (Joseph)
The fact that I currently live in a country where I am unable to make choices about my own body and health? A true hellscape.
https://donate.abortionfunds.org/give/323375/#!/donation/checkout
Devil Woman by Cliff Richard
My favorite genre of music is 1970s soft rock and my favorite type of men are typically British.
If you’re out on a moonlit night/ be careful of them neighborhood strays/ of a lady with long black hair/ tryin’ to win you with her feminine ways/ crystal ball on the table/ showing the future, the past
I’m Gonna Put A Spell On You- Hex Girls
Hex Girls is “a fictional female eco-goth-rock band” featured on Scooby Doo. I was a little too into the Hex Girls. While this is not the original version from the cartoon, it the best Spotify cover that I feel does the OG Hex Girls justice (like I said, I was obsessed with these girls)
With this little cobweb potion/ you’ll fall into a deep devotion/ if you ever lose affection/I can change your whole direction
Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac
You can’t talk about witches and not think about America’s Favorite Witch, Steve Nicks (I know for a fact that I’ve written this same sentence in another article, but I will forever uphold this statement). Stevie Nicks came up with this song after reading Mary Bartlett Leader’s 1973 novel, Triad: A Novel of the Supernatural. A woman in Triad is possessed by an evil witch named Rhiannon.
She is like a cat in the dark/ and then she is to darkness/ she rules her life like a fine skylark/ and when the sky is starless
Stayin Alive cover by Lizzo
Life is stressful and scary, let’s disco instead!
Pairs nicely with the movies: Happy Death Day and Happy Death Day 2 U
Well now, I get low and I get high/ and if I can’t get either, I really try/ got the wings of Heaven on my shoes/ I’m dancin’ and I just can’t lose
The Phantom of the Opera by the Original London Cast
Pro tip: if you play this loudly enough in the car, you too can hit that E6 note! (at least, that’s what I tell myself since I am a Bass who dreams of singing roles made for Sopranos)
Those who have seen your face/ draw back in fear/ I am the mask you wear/ it’s me they hear/ my spirit and my voice/ in one combined/ the Phantom of the Opera is there/ Inside my (your) mind (beware, the Phantom of the Opera)
Thriller/Heads Will Roll by the Glee Cast
I am the first one to say that when you feel the need to listen to or watch GLEE again, it means the mental illness is winning, but this song is a true Halloween gem. For one, you can’t have a Halloween playlist without “Thriller”; it’s one of those songs that I can never get sick of hearing (however I do feel physically ill thinking of the abuse Michael Jackson put those kids through) and mashing it up with the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Heads Will Roll”
what do you think the GLEE theater department’s budget is?
no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike/ you know it’s thriller, thriller night/ you’re fighting for your life inside a killer thriller tonight/ off with your head/ d-dance-dance-dance ’til you’re dead/ o-off-off-off with your head/ d-dance-dance-dance ’til you’re dead
Venom by Little Simz
What scares Republicans the most? Powerful women.
https://staceyabrams.com/
Fuck those who don’t believe/ they would never wanna admit I’m the best here/ from the mere fact that I’ve got ovaries/ it’s a woman’s world, so to speak/ pussy, you sour/ never givin’ credit where it’s due ’cause you don’t like pussy in power
Be Gay, Do Drugs, Hail Satan by Super Cassette
Have I mentioned that I hate Republicans?
I’m 95, and I’ve lived a good life/ my grandson, he hovers around to my bedside/ he asks if I have any words of advice for him/ and I do, listen in closely/ come on in close, I’ll speak it softly/ be gay, do drugs, hail satan
Science Fiction Double Feature by the Glee Cast
Another Glee song and on a completely unrelated note, I do need to call my therapist. Jenna Ushkowitz’s smooth voice makes for chill Halloween listening.
Then something went wrong/ for Fay Wray and King Kong/ they got caught in a celluloid jam/ then at a deadly pace/ it came from outer Space/ and this is how the message ran/ science fiction (ooh-ooh-ooh) double feature/ doctor X (ooh-ooh-ooh) will build a creature
Evil Eye by Franz Fernidand
These days I am all about the evil eye jewelry. I started wearing one every day this summer, and I had the best month that I’ve had in years. Several things I had on the manifestation cooker came to fruition, mental health was in peak form, and an abundance of fun was had.
My bracelet broke after six weeks and it’s been all downhill since then.
I have the evil eye/ I, I, I see your soul/you wear it on your face/ it’s worn in what do you do/ ooh, what’s the color of the next car/ its red, you bastard!/ yeah, red, you bastard/ don’t believe in god, but I believe in this shit
No Good Deed from the Wicked Original Cast Recording (2003)
I may have been on the verge of failing 5th grade math, but thank God I knew these lyrics like my life depended on it as I performed it daily in my bedroom.
Fiyero! eleka nahmen nahmen/ ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen/ eleka nahmen nahmen/ ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Sympathy for the Devil by the Rolling Stones
Humanity can either be the most beautiful thing in the world, or the most disappointing.
Just as every cop is a criminal/ and all the sinners saints/ as heads is tails/ just call me Lucifer/ cause I’m in need of some restraint/ so if you meet me/ have some courtesy/ have some sympathy, and some taste
Calling Card by Ella Jane
As a woman of a certain age, I often find myself debating whether or not I want to be a mother, and true writer’s fashion, I love a tried and true pro and con list.
Pros include: I genuinely like kids, I have an incredible family/support system, I think I would enjoy being someone’s mom.
Cons include: Lack of sleep, children are insanely expensive, and I’m afraid of raising a serial killer.
Sophie said to call the cops/ you shaved your head and bought a fake ID/ I hear a scream from down the block/ bloodstains in places where they shouldn’t be/ I got a problem/ I’m hooked on you like nicotine/ I couldn’t quit you if I tried
Happy halloween vibin!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ayn3s1bwAJUwR0rreWDZs?si=5490019c216a433e
