It’s Harry Styles’ World, We’re Just Living In It (And I’m Okay With It)

Harr-uary, day one.

Welcome to Harr-uary where I write a newsletter every day this month all about Harry Styles! It’s giving… ✨mental illness✨. Let’s get into it.

I want to write more about things that make me laugh and bring me joy, and Harry Styles does both of those things (and boy does he do it well!). I left his concert this September creatively recharged and inspired, so here we are.

So… I’ve been trying to live more like Styles, and then I also thought… “fuck it, we’re in season three of Covid, the world feels closer an apocalyptic collapse than ever before, and I’m currently rocking a center part with a 70s style shag haircut (risky for those of us with curly hair) it can’t get any worse, right?!”

Why Harry Styles?

Styles is actually celebrating his 28th birthday today, the same number of days this February! Fun fact, I’ll also be turning 28 this year #ballin

The only thing I love more than the Oxford Comma is a numeral alliteration. While riding the post show high I got from being at Styles’ Love on Tour, I thought how fun (and insane) it would be to not only share my original newsletter (intended to come out in 2020 but I never sent it) plus twenty-seven more?

Now Styles and I don’t go as far back as one may think. I was a Junior at an all girls Catholic high school when One Direction was on the X-Factor/their early singles were released. I was well aware of who they were. I had no spare time to fawn over a British Boy Group, as the theater department desperately needed all of my time to stay afloat (honestly it’s a miracle I had friends in high school)

I only became a fan (and even that term I’d use loosely at first) during the later years of One Direction after hearing “Night Changes” for the first time. After learning a handful of songs (other than the ones on the radio), my friend Ryan asked me to go to the One Direction show at Soldier Field back in 2015. And me being the ever dutiful best friend said, “sure?”.

Even though we were some of the “older” fans, not to mention the most drunk, (we were freshly twenty-one, don’t judge) we witnessed history. I look forward to the day when I tell my kids that I saw One Direction live, like many people did with the Beatles.

The concert itself was an emotionally and physically exhausting trip (walking out of Soldier Field uphill both ways to the Roosevelt Red Line? No thank you ❤️) we had an incredible time. I am a bit biased because I am an absolute simp for a fireworks show and the ones at the concert are still memorable seven years later. I actually plan on being turned into fireworks when I die so I can get lit for one last time. That’s a real thing!

In a matter of six months I went from this:

To anxiously awaiting for 1D to take the stage:

Readers: But why Harr-uary? A whole month? Don’t you have a real job?

Claire: I do! In order to write (and stay sane) I work a day job in customer service, where everyone is super lovely 100% of the time!!! I even have health insurance again (vision + dental, too! because why not make three separate insurance plans for one body?!), AND even though I do not know what it is or what it does, I have a 401K! So yeah.

If you know of any ways to get paid writing gigs, my DMs are wide open… just like everyone’s legs when Harry Styles walks into a room. (too much? )

I had originally written the following section for a newsletter I was going to send out in 2020, but I was too afraid to post it. I felt especially silly, being twenty-five and publicly fan-girling over a global pop star, so I kept this hidden on my hard drive in shame.

Essentially since the start of Covid, I have done more work on myself than the past ten years combined. One of those things is to stop being so scared of what other people think, and to write the kind of things I want to read.

And as Harry Styles wisely told Rolling Stone when his solo album dropped “how can you say young girls don’t get it? They’re our future. Our future doctors, lawyers, mothers, presidents, they kind of keep the world going. Teenage girl fans- they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act “too cool”. They like you, and they tell you. Which is sick!”.

I know you’re thinking “great quote, Claire, but you’re pushing thirty” and you would be (rude) correct. I am still a young girl and that is final.

Here we go…

I am a self-proclaimed slut for Harry Styles. I was a little late to the party since I was too busy being a Gleek in high school when I could have been a Directioner instead (isn’t that the saddest sentence you’ve ever heard?!) but the past few years I have become a Harry Styles stan and it is so fun.

While I did eventually enjoy One Direction (1D), I much rather prefer Styles as a solo artist, he’s my top artist on Spotify, in fact. I’m in his Top 1% of listeners, but who cares about Spotify Wrapped?

Styles currently has two albums out: Harry Styles (2017) and Fine Line (2019). HS1 was a slight departure from the last days of One Direction, with upbeat rock tempos mixed with simple yet beautiful guitar chords.

Fine Line, on the other hand, had a more solidified sound for Styles (can you say that five times fast?) In an interview, Styles said, “Fine Line is all about having sex and feeling sad, but not having sad sex”.

Self proclaimed Harry stan and America’s favorite witch, Stevie Nicks, even says Fine Line is his own personal “Rumours”. The album takes you on the entire roller coaster of emotions involved in a romantic relationship, but also the relationship with yourself before and after the romantic ones. Self-evaluating, self- pity, and self- loathing are vividly present, but so are self- love and self-forgiveness (which I think a lot more people need to work on)

There are no bad songs, or “no skips” as the kids say; this is just based on my personal rankings of his discography. My qualifications? I sang in the church choir from third to eighth grade and also played hand bells at church for two years. I took piano and harp lessons for a few years, but I wasn’t super into that. I also sang in the choir all through high school and was a musical theater performer for a decade.

As far as songwriting goes I have written exactly two, full original songs — one only my sister has seen when she was snooping through my middle school journal, and the other one opened my comedy studies show at the Second City, so I would say I’m okay at it.

*disclaimer: this list does not include unreleased songs, or songs written by Styles for other artists*

it’s harry styles’ world: a definitive ranking of Harry Styles’ discography by yours truly.

Meet Me In the Hallway — Harry Styles

There’s a little bit too much hype around this song for me. It’s beautiful and depressing, a combination that I constantly crave, but it’s just not my ultimate favorite.

best lyric: “just let me know/I’ll be at the door/at the door/ hoping you’re coming around”

Treat People with Kindness — Fine Line

I hate to put this one so low on the list, because it is a wonderful song with an even better message; TPWK is now a popular tattoo because of it, but again this just doesn’t slap as much as the others. It’s a great message and it’s fun, but it’s not my most played Styles song.

best lyric: “I don’t need all the answers/ feeling good in my skin/ I just keep on dancing, and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong”

Ever Since New York — Harry Styles

This song is allegedly about Taylor Swift. In college my friend, Catilin, wrote and asked me to perform with her an amazing sketch about our beef with Ms. Swift (circa 2014), so whenever I hear this song I think of her. ESNY is a good song, good enough to be one of the openers for his Live on Tour set list, but it’s not one of my personal favs.

best lyric: “almost over, had enough from you/ and I’ve been praying which I never did before/ understand I’m talking to the walls/ I’ve been praying ever since New York”

Fine Line — Fine Line

Another break up song, but this time it’s a six minute masterpiece. Styles talks about the price of love and the blurring of lines and relationships. I think it’s physically impossible to listen to this without crying, even if you are on antidepressants (a common side effect).

Also, ending your album by saying “we’ll be all right” is a loud CHOICE.

best lyric: “Put a price on emotion/ I’m looking for something to buy”

Lights Up — Fine Line

The start of the Fine Line era….which is the best era. I will fight you on this. The music video is incredibly hot and sensual and if you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. Many people thought this was his “coming out song”, and they’re probably right. We stan bisexuality!

best lyric: “What do you mean/ I’m sorry by the way; I’m never going back now/ It’d be so sweet if things just stayed the same”

Sweet Creature — Harry Styles

This song is about his love for his sister and it’s gorgeous. When I listen to this I think of my baby sister, whom I also think is the greatest person in the world, my other half, my heart.

best lyric: “we started, two hearts in one home/ it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn I know/ but sweet creature wherever I go/ you bring me home”

Two Ghosts — Harry Styles

Many believe that this is another about Styles’ failed relationship with Swift; his mentioning of her signature red lips and blue eyes, being the most obvious sign. The imagery of two “ghosts” stuck in the inbetween-purgatory-afterlife once a relationship has ended is both comforting and distressing to me.

best lyric: “we’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me/ trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat”

Sunflower Vol. 6 — Fine Line

I personally will be waiting for volumes 1–5. Easily the trippiest song on the album (Styles has openly talked about doing magic mushrooms while writing Fine Line), that ends with thirty seconds of Styles making his own cacophony. It’s the perfect blend of silly and sweet.

best lyric: “I don’t wanna make you feel bad/ but I’ve been trying hard not to talk to you my sunflower/ I couldn’t want you anymore/ kiss in the kitchen like it’s a dance floor”

Carolina — Harry Styles

This song was written about a “fan” that Styles met once. I despise this girl, but also desperately want to be her. The two were set up on a blind date and really hit it off, but allegedly have only seen each other IRL the one time.

…I’m still waiting for my friends to set me up with a member of One Direction…

best lyric: “she’s got a book for every situation/ gets into parties without invitations/ how could you ever turn her down?”

Canyon Moon — Fine Line

The song itself has star power, as it could easily be a Joni Mitchell song. Certified hippie witch, Stevie Nicks, has said this is her favorite song off Fine Line. You can definitely tell that Styles had recently spent an extended period of time in California before writing this one.

best lyric: “staring up at the ceiling two weeks and I’ll be home/ carry the feeling through Paris all through Rome/ and I’m still thinking back to a time under the Canyon Moon”

She — Fine Line

There’s many theories about the ethereal “she”. At first it seems that Styles is narrating what he would want his ideal, mundane relationship to look like. Then enter, She. Many think that “she” is about Styles’ more feminine side, often publicly seen in his fashion choices. Styles won’t back away from a dress or nail polish, which just makes him even more of a certified cool rockstar, if possible. She is also an anagram of his initials- Harry Edward Styles. #makesyouthink!

Styles wrote this song with his resident guitarist and frequent co-writer, Mitch Rowland. Rowland helped write nine out of the ten songs on HS1, and six on Fine Line. The last two and a half minutes of “She” is basically just a seductive guitar solo played by Rowland, which is both horny and haunting.

best lyric: “I don’t know where she is/ lives for the memory/ A woman who’s just in his head/ and she sleeps in his bed/ while he plays pretend”

Woman — Harry Styles

Harry Styles singing about how jealous he is that another guy is flirting and potentially starting a relationship with you? On his debut solo album? The power this woman has is insurmountable and the fact that she has stayed anonymous is nothing short of heroic.

If I even thought Styles wrote a song about me, it would be the only thing I would talk about for the rest of my life. If I went on the Bachelor it would be my job title on the chyron when I’m on screen.

best lyric: “I hope you can see/ the shape that I’m in/when he’s touching your skin/ this thing upon me howls like a beast/ you flower, you feast”

To Be So Lonely — Fine Line

I love that some fans low-key hate this song, particularly the line where Styles refers to himself as a “son of a bitch” because they don’t appreciate Styles treating his mom, Anne Twist, with such disrespect, and I love that sense of camaraderie. Another song about heartbreak, self deprecation, and being petty. Tailor made for the average Taurus.

best lyric: “I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t say when he’s sorry. Don’t call me baby again, you’ve got your reasons. I know that you’re trying to be friends, I know you mean it”

Golden — Fine Line

If Fine Line was studied in high school English classes, you would hear the teacher constantly reiterate that there is an overwhelming theme of openness; being afraid of being in the open, but also being afraid of being alone and the lines that come with any relationship. The parallels to this song and my personal journal make me wonder if Styles has somehow gotten a copy of it.

When I first heard the album, I always imagined that this would be the opener* for Love on Tour (which has yet to be canceled! fingers crossed!) and I’ll be super bummed if it’s not. *2022 note: It was!

best lyric: “take me back to the light/I know you were way too bright for me/I’m hopeless, broken/so you wait for me in the sky”

Kiwi — Harry Styles

When most people think of Styles as a solo artist, this is the song they think of first. Its the epitome of sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Even though it was one of the first songs Styles wrote, he clearly knew what he was doing since fans go absolutely feral for Kiwi live performances.

best lyric: “It’s New York baby always jacked up/ Holland tunnel for a nose it’s always backed up/ when she’s alone she goes home to a cactus/ in a black dress, she’s such an actress”

On the final stop* of his Live on Tour at the Forum in Los Angeles, Styles and band performed this song three times in a row for the finale. This is not an easy song to perform, and knowing that they did it three times after already performing the entire show is impressive and sexy.

*2022 note: this happened on Love on Tour, too! Seems to be a fan fav tradition.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*THE GOD TIER -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*

Cherry — Fine Line

Arguably the most heartbreaking song in Styles’ entire discography. The Internet erupted when it was discovered that the woman speaking French in the audio was a voice note of Styles’ ex-girlfriend, Camille Rowe, who most of the album is based on. It’s sad, petty, and honest which is the perfect recipe for a heartbreakingly raw breakup song.

best lyric: “don’t you call him baby/ we’re not talking lately/ don’t you call him what you used to call me”

Watermelon Sugar — Fine Line

Right now, I could list a dozen songs about going down on a guy without breaking a sweat. It’s depressing how rare it is for a song about to be about sex, specifically about having sex with someone with a vagina, that isn’t degrading. Watermelon Sugar is about both, in not only a respectful way, but an enthusiastic way. But if anyone was going to write that song, Harry Styles would be the one.

Love that he’s talking about eating pussy. Love that it was the second single. Love the radio play it’s getting. Love the conversations. Delicious. #MakeAWomanComeForOnce

best lyric: “strawberries on a summer evening/ baby you’re the end of June/ I want your belly and that summer feeling/ getting washed away in you”

From the Dining Table — Harry Styles

The first time I heard “even my phone misses your call” I had a visceral reaction and couldn’t listen to it again for several weeks. My favorite sad song off HS1 for sure.

best lyric: “we haven’t spoke since you went away/ comfortable silence is so overrated/ Why won’t you ever be the first one to break? Even my phone misses your call, by the way”

Only Angel — Harry Styles

This song opened most of Styles’ Live on Tour set list and honestly that is quite a choice. I wasn’t able to go see him at the Chicago theater, but had he opened with this, I think I would have had a stroke. Even though Victoria’s Secret and the VS Fashion Show are problematic… it really is the perfect strutting down the runway song (Styles performed this at the 2017 VSFS). If I need a boost of confidence I put this baby on real loud.

best lyric: “Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door/ I got splinters crawling across the floor/couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short/ but I think that’s what I like about it”

Falling — Fine Line

Oof. A song about hating yourself after a breakup? Being disappointed by the way you handled things? Who can’t relate to that?!!

best lyric: “I can’t take it back/ I can’t unpack the baggage you left/ what am I now/ what am I now/ what if I’m someone I don’t want around?”

Adore You — Fine Line

While doing my customary first listen (you know where I stick in my air-pods, lay on my bedroom floor in the dark, and listen to a new album all the way through, in the order the artist intended it to be) of Fine Line, I immediately knew this would be my favorite song, and it’s only the third track. It’s a summery pop rock hit about the early days of a relationship, that pure honeymoon stage. The vibes are just impeccable all around.

best lyric: “I get so lost inside your eyes, would you believe it/ you don’t have to say you love me/ you don’t have to say nothing/ you don’t have to say you’re mine”

Sign of the Times — Harry Styles

They say “first is the worst, second is the best”, but they obviously have ever heard Styles’ debut solo single. Very bold for Styles to release this as his first solo single and think that the general public would be able to handle it.

best lyric: honestly all of it? But “we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here” always makes me cry.

finally takes a deep breath*

Wow! If you made it this far, congratulations! I seriously hope a bottle of Excedrin Extra Strength is in your reach! I promise not every issue of Harr-uary will be this long! We just had to start with the foundational knowledge. See you tomorrow!

all the love,

Claire