Harr-uary, day twenty-one: Why I Will Never Listen to Harry Styles’ Calm Story and You Shouldn’t Either
I’m a people pleaser by nature and have a hard time saying no, but the charisma of Harry Styles knows no bounds. When I was at Love on Tour in September, one thought I had, that surprised me, was that while I was watching him perform, I understood why people, women in particular, flashed rockstars. Before that night, I couldn’t comprehend doing something like that to a stranger, even if they were your favorite singer (and you know, gorgeous).
So I honestly thought that Styles could ask me to do just about anything and I would do it willingly and enthusiastically. However, upon further reflection, there are three things that not even Harry Styles can make me do:
1. Watch a marvel movie
Okay, yes, I have seen the end credit scene of Eternals (2021), that Styles is in, but I didn’t actively seek or search it out. I logged on to social media and saw it (but also I’m nosey so I probably would’ve searched for it anyway, but you get that I’m saying here).
If you’re into Marvel movies, that’s cool! It’s just not my thing and it never will be, which is also okay. (also I knew he was going to be in a Marvel movie for over a year, even though it was supposed to be a “big secret”? Is this a timeline glitch? Or a Mandela Effect?)
2. Wear a cross
Styles famously wears a gold cross almost every time he’s seen either in public or in private, but as far as I know has never commented on being religious himself. Everyone who knows me well knows that I have deep beef with the Catholic Church and anything that has to do with organized religion….however, I recently had the thought that I should start wearing a cross necklace (not for religious purposes, but for fashion) because I love copying Styles’ fashion choices.
I enjoy the aesthetic and when styled right, I think it can actually look really cool, however I will not be doing that. I’m chalking up this moment of temporary insanity as a side effect of covid.
(During this time, I also thought about bleaching my own hair AND giving myself bangs, so you know, it was clear I was not in a good head space)
3. Listen to his Calm App story.
Now, this is probably quite shocking, since over a dozen people reached out to me since the Calm App announced their collaboration with Styles. I’m glad people reached out! It made sense, I openly love Harry Styles, so it would make sense that this would be right up my alley.
While most people know about my love for Styles, they don’t know that I have an abusive relationship with sleep. I love sleep (I’m a Taurus- being comfortable and cozy is as essential to me as say…air or breathing is), but sleep doesn’t always love me. I have a difficult time turning my mind off at the end of the day, especially if my anxiety is flaring up. I also have a history, dating back to being in grade school, of waking up with neck kinks or migraines, so it truly is a luck of the draw for me every time I fall asleep.
For me to try and have an ideal night of sleep, I have a detailed routine that helps me sleep. First I shower off the day and cover myself in relaxing smelling lotion, and take my trusty Melatonin gummies thirty minutes before I’d like to actually fall asleep.
I wear a Men’s 5X t-shirt and ugly, but comfortable Granny panties to bed, because I run warm constantly. The fan has to be on (the window open, if the weather is applicable), and the room needs to be cool, almost too cool (I can’t fall asleep unless I’ve already covered up my dog with a blanket before bed, because I’m afraid she’s going to freeze overnight).
Just to make things even more extra, I have a pillow system that must be used each night. For the past two years, I’ve slept with a pregnancy pillow, yet I’ve never been pregnant. I also have a special neck pillow, and of course, my throw pillows and extra bed pillows to keep around me, almost like my own fortress, which my sister makes fun of me any time she sees me laying in bed (because truthfully… that’s where I do most of my writing).
I know you’re thinking, “Why are you telling us all of this? What’s the problem with the Calm story? You love Harry Styles”.
Because I know that if I listen to Styles’ Calm story, I will have the best night’s sleep of my entire life. Styles using his calm, deep, velvety voice with his striking British accent to peacefully lull me to sleep? You’re describing a literal dream to me. Whoever Styles goes to bed with at the end of the day hopefully knows how lucky they are.
If I listen to this story, even once, I will have to listen to this damn story every single day, just to try and recreate that precious, once in a lifetime, perfect night of sleep. Quite frankly I just don’t have the energy or commitment to do that every day.
So, no, I won’t be dreaming with Harry Styles anytime soon, but isn’t the real thing always better than the imitation?
